8. Teach children that they always have a choice. In every situation, every person has a choice about what to do, how to respond and how to feel. Teach your children that there are many options of what to do, respond or feel.  Let them know that their attitude is under their control and can be changed by simply changing their thoughts. The difference between 2 people going through the same crisis is in the way they respond and feel. For example, two children who have to give a speech at school can respond either by feeling fear and giving up or by learning, getting support and having a go. 

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

 http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

7. Help your children master a skill. If someone asked your child what they were good at – would they be able to answer?  Being good at something gives children a very good feeling and confidence. Help them find something they like. People can do better at the things they like. This can be art, sport, math, reading, dancing, music, languages, drama… When they are good at something, they know the making of success. For example, they know that in order to become successful in drama, they got through many rejections but survived. They also get many positive feedbacks for their achievements and hard work and it motivates them to keep moving forward even if they have difficulties.  Teach your children to be proud of their achievements.  There are so many new experiences and challenges whizzing in and out of their lives every day they may just forget how well they are doing and how much they have achieved.  Why not start a ‘My Achievements’ board at home so that they can see how well they are doing!

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

6. Level your expectations. When your expectations are too high, your child experiences less success, feels more out of control and may give up. If you are not sure about where to set your expectation, try to remember yourself at that age and compare your behaviour to your child’s. If you cannot remember exactly what you did at that age, hanging around other parents, preferably positive parents can give you a good indication to what to expect. Bear in mind there is no such thing as a universal biological clock, so if your friends’ daughter makes her own lunch at the age of 4, this only means it is possible, but it does not mean that all children should be able to make their own lunches at the age of 4.

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

5. Stress your children’s strengths. Although resilient children aren’t deterred by failure, they also relish successes. Their sense of accomplishment and pride gives them the confidence to persevere the next time they face a challenge. Not all children are naturally athletic, artistic, or popular, but every child has his strengths – and it’s your job as a parent to draw attention to them. In order for children to truly believe in themselves, they need to experience success.

I read a story recently where a nine-year-old girl had developmental delays and struggled to make friends. However, because she was gentle and loved helping others, her parents contacted a local nursing home and arranged for her to spend time with a woman who rarely had visitors. Amelia felt so appreciated there that, before long, she started reaching out to her classmates.

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

4. Give undivided attention. Children feel loved when they know their parents enjoy being with them. This feeling of specialness is integral to their self-esteem. In fact, studies of resilience have found that kids who overcame a very difficult childhood all had at least one adult in their life who truly believed in them.

Schedule a time – even if it’s only 15 minutes daily – to give each of your children undivided attention.  When we were delivering the Mind Magic program to a class of year 4 students, we asked them what their ‘Love Language’ was i.e.  How do they feel loved?  The overwhelming majority of the class answered that they felt loved when their parents spent quality time with them!  And that was over and above ‘Being given gifts’ !!

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

3. Be flexible. Parents want their children to be adaptable, thoughtful, and receptive to new ideas, but they often fail to model these behaviours. The most well-meaning parents use the same approach with their kids time after time even though it hasn’t been successful – for example, we know of parents who have nagged their children for years to clean their room, without results.

If something you’ve said or done for a reasonable amount of time isn’t working, think about what you can do differently, instead of having useless power struggles. Relaxing rules about finishing all the food on a dinner plate or taking a bath every night, for example, doesn’t mean that you’re backing down or spoiling your children. It teaches them that there are alternative ways of solving problems and that you can learn from your mistakes. If you refuse to reconsider your way of doing things, your kids will be less likely to try different tactics when they face challenges throughout life.

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

2. Communicate with respect.  Always consider whether you’re saying things in a way that will make your children more receptive. Try to refrain from interrupting them, putting them down, telling them how they should be feeling, or use absolutes such as ‘always’ and ‘never’ in a critical way i.e. “You never help out”.

Take the time to answer your children’s questions, even if they ask the same ones repeatedly. Questions are their attempts to understand the world, feel a sense of mastery, and solve problems, all of which are linked to a resilient mind-set. If your children feel that their questions are silly or bothersome, they’ll stop asking them.

It’s also important to be honest with your children. Children usually know when their parents are keeping secrets from them.  We’re not suggesting that you discuss issues that are very personal or beyond your children’s emotional or cognitive abilities, but hiding a difficult situation conveys to children that you don’t think they can handle it. As a result, they’ll be deprived of an opportunity to learn how to cope with stress or sadness.

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Debbie, Kathy and the team at Life Skills Programs.

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

Here are ten ways to help them feel confident and in control of their lives. I will cover one in each posting.

1. Be Empathetic. The ability to see the world through your kids’ eyes is essential for fostering resilience. You don’t have to agree with everything they do, but try to appreciate and validate their point of view. When they know that you’re really listening, they’re more like to look to you for guidance.   Validate what they are saying is true for them i.e. “That must have been hard for you when Tom called you names.  Is there anything I can do to help you through it?”

Of course, it’s much more difficult to be empathetic when you’re angry with your kids or disappointed in their behaviour – but that’s when it’s most important.

In order to be empathetic, you need to continually stop and think about how you’d feel if someone said to you the same things you’re saying to your children. When you demonstrate empathy on a day-to-day basis, you’re also teaching your children the skill that’s crucial for maintaining satisfying relationships. And having close friends to lean on when times are tough will certainly help your children be even more resilient.

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Cheers

Debdie, Kathy and the Team at

Life Skills Programs

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

Photo

Salvatore Vuono:

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=659

Research has shown that resilience is the most important quality you can instill in your children to help them cope with bullying. If you were asked what you wanted in life for your kids, you might say happiness, success in school, close friendship, a loving family, and eventually a gratifying career. Although you can’t give your kids all these things, you can help them develop the trait that is the key to attaining them: Resilience!

Countless studies have shown that resilience – having the inner strength to cope with any challenge – is crucial for children who face severe adversity. But in our fast-paced, stressful world, all kids need the capacity to overcome obstacles and deal with disappointments – whether in school, on the soccer field, or at the playground.

Assertiveness, Confidence and Resilience are three characteristics that are different, however they do overlap.  Being assertive is about saying what you think, feel and want in a confident way.  It means expressing what you want without shouting, being angry or putting others down.  It is about respecting the rights of others while standing up for your own.  The easiest way to describe Resilience is ‘bounce-back-ability’ – the capacity to come back from adversity and use it to your advantage.

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Cheers

Debbie, Kathy and the Team at

Life Skills Programs

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au

Photo

quyenlan:
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=446

http://www.lifeskillsprograms.com.au/

Create for yourself a magical and special day.

Cheers

Debbie, Kathy and the Team at

Life Sills Programs